well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
