is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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