You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
