I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
