five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
