I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
