i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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