Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
