Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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