I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
