I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
