I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Do vagina's smell?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
