I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
