It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
