i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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