96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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