I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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