it's like iHOP with fire
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
