I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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