The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
