Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
