where am i from again
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
