is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
