You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
