bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I love having hate sex.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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