there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
