Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
