Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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