He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
