Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
