How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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