just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
