Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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