Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
