My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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