I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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