So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
