So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
