as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
