We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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