you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
