My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
