who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
