I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I can text with my tongue
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
