Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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