Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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