If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
