Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
