Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
