after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
