just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
