Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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