If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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