OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
